glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
