I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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