She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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