Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
