gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
