just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
