Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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