apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
