so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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