They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
