As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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