my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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