Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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