i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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