omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
