We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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