I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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