Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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