Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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