At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
