I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
