oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
