You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
