oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
