I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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