Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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