I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
