you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Two words: nipple clamps
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