We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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