Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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