I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sorry about my life...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
