Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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