She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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