Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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