was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
