Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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