I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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