i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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