Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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