Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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