So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
