I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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