i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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