I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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