redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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