it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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