I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
