Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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