i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
