YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you traded sex for a burrito?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
