omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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