so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The cops high fived after they tackled you
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
