just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
