i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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