Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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