i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
