I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I will die if light touches me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
