This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
