i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel like abortions should bother me more
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
