I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
