So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
