Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
