I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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