But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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