dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
