When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
