I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
