I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My vagina is very pro this idea
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
