Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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