she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
and she was petting her beer can
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
