So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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