Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I am one with the molecules
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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