At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
