I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
