Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
