I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
