Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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