girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
