do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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