The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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