i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
