I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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